jokes

jorgen · 2020-02-08 13:12:00

let me start with one i got from my father.
the norwegian, russian and american meet at a bar.
they start to tell stories. the american say if they send up all of their air force, you can't see the sun.
the russian say their northern fleet is so big that you can across the atlantic ocean jumping boat to boat.
the norwegian looks down. he say two seagulls can stand on his erected penis.
after some drinks they become more friendly and honest, they start to admit that there is some sunlight coming through and there is space between the ships. the norwegian say the birds is not really standing that tight.

Dionysus · 2020-02-08 19:38:55

I have similar one jorgen.

American, Russian and Serbian soldier talk about how big their army is.. every one of them claims that he's army is the biggest.
They come up to idea to embark on plane and go from country to country, looking from above at military bases.
They first go to Russia, there they see enormous army, after that they go to US and see even bigger army.
At last they go to Serbia, serb soldier tells pilot to fly to Kosovo, when they arrive there he says to american and russian:
''Look down now, do u see all those white caps? - Those are just our army cooks.. imagine then how big army we have!''

For those who don't get it, Shiptar's wear white caps, part of their tradition, which from air is similar to the one of cook.. and they are numerous.

Last edited by Dionysus (2020-02-08 19:40:25)

MadMax · 2020-02-08 20:42:49

a orthodox priest went to a barber, after the haircut priest asked him "how much i owe you". barber says, "i have principle to not take money from priests". the priest said thanks and left. the next morning barber went to open the barber shop and he sees 10 euros at the door.
after a few days
a muslim priest "mufti" went to the barber, after the haircut mufti asked "him how much i owe you". barber says "i have principle to not take money from priests". the mufti said thanks and left. the next morning barber went to open the shop and he sees 10 euros at the door.
after a few days
a ribbi went to the same barber. after the groomed of tails, rabbi asked him "how much i owe you". barber again says "i have principle to not take money from priests". ribbi said thanks and left. the next morning barber went to open the barber shop and he sees 10 ribbis waiting him.

nifty · 2020-02-08 21:26:26

One fine morning, a guy was jogging on road..he was kidnapped by 3 girls and was raped..

The next morning, over 700+ youngsters were found jogging on the same road..

MEN WILL BE MEN

Last edited by nifty (2020-02-08 21:26:57)

Arkos · 2020-02-08 22:41:56

...

A Swiss Joke.

Kommt ein Ami auf einen Bauernhof und schaut einem Mann bei der Arbeit zu.

Sagt der Ami: "Hello Mister"! - Sagt der Mann: "Ich bin nicht der Mister, ich bin der Melker".

...

Last edited by Arkos (2020-02-09 20:14:08)

Goldie · 2020-02-08 23:10:22

Why the bike can't stand up?
Because it's too tired

joint · 2020-02-09 03:02:56

a riddle: it doesnt whistle, unable fit in ass? answer: ukrainian anal whistle

PipeR · 2020-02-09 06:30:49

1) Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney?
They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.
2) What's an Australians idea of foreplay?
You awake?
3) What's a Tasmanians idea of foreplay?
You awake, mum?
4) What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.
5) Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? Because they have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened!
6) What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? An Australian man will actually search for a golf ball.

Bruce took his missus Sheila to the Ekka in Brissie and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." Sheila playfully nudged Bruce in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." Sheila gave Bruce a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." Sheila, so excited that her elbow nearly broke Bruce's ribs, said, that's once a day, you could REALLY learn something from this one."
Bruce looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if all those times it was with the same old cow."

seVen · 2020-02-09 17:15:16

Quick advice on dating...
It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh,
somebody you can trust, and somebody that turns you on...
And it's really important that these three people don't know each other.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

AlboBallist · 2020-02-10 00:21:38

The American: We have FBI, and they know everything you do.
The French: We have the most beautiful girls, no man can date them.
The Turk: We have the best beds, nobody can make them.
The Greek: We have the best islands in Europe, no country has better ones.
The Albanian: Don't be so proud. Yesterday I slept with a French girl on a Turkish bed in a Greek island and FBI didn't even notice.

Last edited by AlboBallist (2020-02-10 00:22:21)

jorgen · 2020-02-10 22:03:32

The Norwegian, the Swedish, the Danish and the Finnish stood in front of a cliff.
"I do this for Sweden," said the Swede and jumped out.
"I do this for Finland," said the Finnish and jumped out.
"I do this for Norway," said the Norwegian, pushing the Danish.

jorgen · 2020-02-12 09:50:56

the american election. hahahahaha

joint · 2020-02-12 10:06:29

jorgen wrote:

the american election. hahahahaha

better limit this topic with funny jokes only

jorgen · 2020-02-12 10:31:26

yes. that joke was just sad and depressing

joint · 2020-02-12 12:45:18

jorgen wrote:

yes. that joke was just sad and depressing

i want vote right on american election since american goverment are masters of a half of Ukraine goverment, would be fair and democratic

Last edited by joint (2020-02-12 12:45:39)

Arkos · 2020-02-12 13:20:56

jorgen wrote:

the american election. hahahahaha

...

For sure the election system with the Electoral Votes in USA.

It's a system from the end of the slavery.

Like this, the southern countries could keep some of their privileges.

They can just brabble those electors and even if the people voted vice versa, the Electoral Votes count.

...

Last edited by Arkos (2020-02-12 13:30:05)

AlboBallist · 2020-02-13 00:00:20

Me: Honey, do you know what month females talk the least?
My wife: July, because they enjoy sea?
Me: No, it's February because it's the shortest month.

Sunshine · 2020-02-13 00:36:06

Arkos wrote:

jorgen wrote:
the american election. hahahahaha
...
For sure the election system with the Electoral Votes in USA.
It's a system from the end of the slavery.
Like this, the southern countries could keep some of their privileges.
They can just brabble those electors and even if the people voted vice versa, the Electoral Votes count.
...

You clearly don't understand the point of the electoral college, but thanks for the joke.

Sunshine · 2020-02-13 00:42:29

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet...

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

Harhar

Arkos · 2020-02-13 05:14:03

Sunshine wrote:

Arkos wrote:
jorgen wrote:
the american election. hahahahaha
...
For sure the election system with the Electoral Votes in USA.
It's a system from the end of the slavery.
Like this, the southern countries could keep some of their privileges.
They can just brabble those electors and even if the people voted vice versa, the Electoral Votes count.
...
You clearly don't understand the point of the electoral college, but thanks for the joke.

...

Thanks.

Btw. What you mean?

And no, it was no joke.

...

Last edited by Arkos (2020-02-13 05:15:22)

Arkos · 2020-02-13 05:23:23

...

Ah yes, one mistake.

It's not about brabble. This they do in the senat, when the put two laws together just to bring the first one through. (Horse-Trading).

But the Electoral System goes back to the end of slavery.

Or do you think it's ok, if the entire state goes to the party with more electoral votes.

Because of this system they fight mostly only in the swinger states. This resolves in a adulteration of the popular votes.

...

Last edited by Arkos (2020-02-13 05:33:23)

Sunshine · 2020-02-13 05:25:37

Arkos wrote:

Thanks.
Btw. What you mean?
And no, it was no joke.
...

You're wrong about the electoral college.

I know it wasn't a joke.. I was being sarcastic.

..

I'm not going to go full on politics in s jokes thread. I'll just leave this here for you:

https://youtu.be/ok_VQ8I7g6I

Last edited by Sunshine (2020-02-13 05:28:40)

Cartmanez · 2020-02-13 12:31:21

Hotel in sweden
To couples are staying at the hotel, both on their honeymoon, one Danish one Norwegian.
From the Danish room can be heard: "ooh yeah, oooooh yeah, right there"
From the Norwegian: "Baah, baah baaah, baaaaaah"

Maasika · 2020-02-14 06:51:57

Image BBCode test

seVen · 2020-02-15 17:35:23

A husband asks his wife, "Will you re-marry after I die?"
The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister."
The wife asks him back, "Will you re-marry after I die?"
The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister."

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!"
The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here's your six, now get out.

How do blind people know when they are done wiping their butt??

Goldie · 2020-02-15 17:52:42

How did the tiger lose the poker, because he was playing with cheetah

Last edited by Goldie (2020-02-15 17:53:05)

jorgen · 2020-02-16 10:44:21

who came first? the chicken or the egg?
the rooster...

MaX > HeadRooM · 2020-02-16 10:51:23

jo jorgen... hows it goin...

uuh.. i did not find that funny at all... maybe its me

cheers!

iCQ

(it is funny nameless or tuia is filling the "forbidden words" here on the forum, so whenever you post one of these terms it will automatically be deleted.

But just delete my old account they not want to do... so i will delete the WHOLE lot for them, u can thank me later guys.

aye tuia did u already see that email from your provider? nice aye?

Last edited by MaX > HeadRooM (2020-02-16 10:56:14)

joint · 2020-02-16 10:58:17

what do have in common ICQ and herpes?

jorgen · 2020-02-16 18:14:18

iCQ i don't think your efforts to destroy this community is funny. fave fun good luck. get well.

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#1 2020-02-08 13:12:00

jokes

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